Have you ever started a new habit full of motivation, only to find yourself back to square one a few weeks later?
Same.
I’ve started and abandoned more habits than I can count, I consider it a talent at this point. Workouts, daily walks, drinking more water, playing piano. They’d go well for a week or two, but then I’d find myself coming up with more and more excuses, and finally stop altogether. The problem was that I didn’t really understand how habits actually work, and more importantly, why they fail.
In this post I’ll share what I’ve learned about building habits that last, along with some journaling prompts to help you figure out what works for you specifically. Because the best habit system is the one that fits your life, not someone else’s.
Why Habits Fail
Before we get into what works, it helps to understand why habits fail in the first place. Because it’s rarely about laziness or lack of discipline.
Most habits fail because:
- We rely on motivation. Motivation is great for getting started, but it’s not reliable enough to keep you going. Motivation comes and goes.
- We start too ambitious. We go from zero to five workouts a week, or from never meditating to committing to 30 minutes a day. It feels manageable when we’re feeling inspired, but quickly becomes unsustainable.
- We have no clear trigger. Without a specific time or cue attached to a habit, it stays vague. “I’ll journal sometime today” rarely happens. “I’ll journal after my morning coffee” usually does.
- We quit after missing a day. We feel like we failed after skipping a day and can just as well give up altogether.
The good news is that all of these are fixable.
What Actually Makes a Habit Stick
Every time you repeat a behaviour, your brain strengthens the neural pathway connected to it. The more you do something, the more automatic it becomes. Which is exactly why bad habits feel so easy and new habits feel so hard at first. You’re literally building a new pathway from scratch, which takes energy (and your brain is usually not in the mood for that).
The good news is, this works in your favour too. The more consistently you repeat a small action, the more effortless it becomes over time. You’re not relying on motivation forever, you’re building a shortcut in your brain that does the work for you (eventually).
So with that in mind, here’s what actually helps a new habit take hold.
1. Start smaller than you think you need to
This is probably the most important one. We tend to build habits for our ideal self: the version of us who has endless time, energy, and motivation. And while we might be that person on some days, most of the time we’re tired after work, go to bed too late, snooze the alarm one too many times, and spend a little longer scrolling our phones than we intended.
If you want your tired-Tuesday-self to show up consistently, you have to start small. It’s better to do something, than do nothing at all. A 10-minute walk every day beats a 1-hour workout you do twice and abandon. I’ve written about this in more detail in my post on self-trust.
2. Attach It to Something You Already Do
New habits are much more likely to stick when they’re attached to something you already do automatically. This is sometimes called habit stacking.
Think about the things you already do every day without debating yourself (too much): brushing your teeth, taking a shower, making your morning coffee, or eating meals. Then attach your new habit before, during, or after one of those existing routines.
Instead of relying on memory or motivation, you’re using an established habit as a reminder.
For example:
- I will drink a full glass of water with every meal.
- Before I go to bed, I will lay out my clothes for tomorrow.
- After I brush my teeth, I will do five minutes of stretching.
- While I drink my morning tea, I will write one sentence in my journal.
The more specific the cue, the better. Rather than telling yourself, “I’ll stretch more,” decide exactly when you’ll do it. Your brain is much better at following a clear plan than a vague intention.
3. Make your environment work for you
Small changes in your environment can make a surprisingly big difference when you’re trying to build a new habit.
Sometimes your environment acts as a reminder. If your journal is on your desk, you’ll write in it. If it’s in a drawer, you probably won’t.
But your environment can also remove obstacles that your brain likes to use as excuses. For example, if you’ve decided to cook more meals at home instead of ordering takeout, choose a recipe and buy the ingredients ahead of time. After a long day at work, your brain can’t fall back on excuses like, “I’m too tired to go to the supermarket,” or “I have no idea what to make tonight.”
The same principle works for breaking unwanted habits. If you want to spend less time on your phone before bed, put it in another room before you go to sleep. Making a bad habit slightly less convenient can be quite effective.
You’re removing friction between yourself and the behaviour you want to encourage.
4. Make it (immediately) rewarding
Many good habits suffer from a simple problem: the reward takes too long to arrive. You don’t become fit after one workout. You don’t become fluent in a language after one lesson. You don’t transform your life after writing in your journal once.
Unfortunately, your brain prefers immediate rewards. So if you want a new habit to stick, give your brain something to feel good about immediately, not just eventually.
For example, I listen to audiobooks on my walks, and I only allow myself to listen to them while I’m walking. Even when I’m curious to know what happens next, I have to wait until my next walk. It’s my reward for getting out the door.
Other rewards might be crossing the habit off in your habit tracker, enjoying your favourite coffee while journaling, or listening to a playlist you love while cleaning.
You’re giving your brain a reason to want to come back to it tomorrow.
5. Plan for the days you’ll miss
You’ll have bad days, busy weeks, and moments where the habit just doesn’t fit. That’s normal and it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. What matters is how quickly you get back on track.
Missing a day doesn’t break a habit, but the more days you’ll miss, the easier it becomes to convince yourself you’ve already failed and the harder it becomes to restart.
When you’re starting a new habit, it can help to think ahead. What might get in the way? What will you do if you’re tired, busy, stressed, or travelling? Having a simple backup plan makes it much easier to stay consistent when life inevitably gets in the way.
6. Adjust how you see yourself
We’ve talked about the practical side of building habits. But there’s one more layer that makes a real difference: how you see yourself.
Most habits are outcome-focused. I want to exercise three times a week. I want to journal every day. I want to read two books a month. And while having a goal is useful, it’s your identity (what you believe about yourself) that determines whether the habit actually lasts.
If you see yourself as someone who is “too lazy to start a workout routine”, your behaviour will follow that belief. Your brain will tempt you to skip workouts left and right, always finding a reason why today isn’t the day.
But the opposite is also true. If you tell yourself, “I’m a runner,” every run, even if it’s only five minutes, is proof that you are, indeed, a runner. The same applies to any habit. Every time you show up, even in a small way, it becomes proof of a different version of yourself.
So instead of only focusing on what you want to achieve, try asking: who do I want to become?
The habits that stick are often the ones that become part of your identity.
I also discuss this in my goal setting post if you want to explore it further.
Journaling Prompts
Now the section we’ve all been waiting for, the prompts :). Pick some from the list below that you like, you definitely don’t need all of them.
Intrinsic motivation
- What habit would make the biggest positive difference in my life right now?
- Why do I want to build this habit?
- What am I hoping this habit will help me achieve or experience?
- How will my life look different if I stick with this habit for a year?
- Am I choosing this habit because I want it, or because I think I should want it?
Starting smaller
- What is the smallest version of this habit I could do consistently?
- What would this habit look like on my busiest day?
- What would this habit look like on a day when my motivation is zero?
- Am I setting a goal for my real self or my ideal self?
Habit Stacking
- What daily routine could I use as an anchor for the habit I’m trying to build?
- When and where will I perform this habit?
- What could serve as a reliable reminder for this habit?
Environment Design
- What obstacles make this habit harder than it needs to be?
- How could I remove one of those obstacles today?
- What can I place in plain sight to remind me of my habit?
- What can I change in my environment to help me succeed?
- What environment makes me more likely to give up?
- How can I make this habit easier to start?
- How can I make unwanted habits more difficult?
Rewards
- What rewards am I expecting from this habit?
- Are those rewards immediate or long-term?
- What do I enjoy that I could pair with this habit?
- What small reward could I give myself after completing this habit?
- What would make me look forward to doing this habit?
- How can I make my progress more visible?
- What signs of progress can I look for besides the final result?
Planning for Setbacks
- What situations are most likely to disrupt this habit?
- What usually causes me to quit habits in the past?
- What’s my backup plan for busy days?
- If I miss a day, how will I respond?
- What can I do instead of giving up completely?
- How can I make restarting easier?
Identity & Self-Belief
- Who do I want to become through this habit?
- What kind of person consistently performs this habit?
- What beliefs do I have about myself that might make this habit harder?
- What story am I currently telling myself about my ability to change?
- What evidence do I already have that I’m capable of building new habits?
- What would someone who already has this habit do today?
Reflection
- What part of this habit feels easy?
- What part feels difficult?
- What have I learned about myself while trying to build this habit?
- What progress have I made that I might be overlooking?
- How has showing up consistently changed the way I see myself?
- What is working well that I should continue doing?
- What needs to be adjusted?
Free worksheet
Want to make it even easier, or don’t know where to start, download my free worksheet with journaling prompts below.
Final Thoughts
I’ll never claim that building habits is easy. You still have to put in the work, and there will be days when motivation is nowhere to be found. But I hope the tips and journaling prompts in this post help make the process a little easier.
Remember that consistency matters more than perfection. The goal is to keep coming back to it, not to perform your habit perfectly.
So start small. Make the habit easy. Make it fun. Plan for setbacks. And when life gets in the way, do what you can, even if it’s only the tiniest version of the habit.
And one day, what feels difficult today may simply become something you do.
Further reading
Affiliate disclosure: This section contains affiliate links. If you purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only recommend books, products, and resources that I genuinely believe are helpful and relevant to my readers. Thank you for supporting Everything Journaling!
- Atomic Habits by James Clear. If you want to go deeper into the science and strategy behind habit building, this book is the one I’d recommend.
What habit are you trying to build right now? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!
